Enjoying the Season

Okay, this entry is late for Christmas and a bit too early for New Year... well... so what? This is MY blog. Hehehe... I am enjoying this vacation so much that I find blogging boring (sorry blog...). I don't have much to do now so I'll enlighten you guys to the latest happenings in my life.

The first and perhaps the most crucial change? Well, I am now a Globe subcscriber ( I can hear many people saying 'finally!!') My current number is 09273520142. I did not expect so much feedback from my friends who are globe subscribers (well, at least most of them...). :)

I have a watch now, after more than a year of aspiring/plotting/eagerly wishing to have one. This watch of mine is not expensive, no, no, no. A relative gave it to me (well, I asked for it and she gave it to me... :D ) I am actually wearing it right now.

The money that I received for this Christmas is lower than previous years... I've also spent some cash on toys due to my little charade as Santa. Anyway, nothing can compare to the smiles that I've received in exchange of the presents. So it was fine... and oh, I remember a funny event during Christmas day...
...I was wrapping the toys that I bought when my little sister went inside my room where all the gifts are. Fortunately, I already wrapped Quen's (my li'l sis) presents. Just then, I taunt my sis that I have no presents for her because I forgot to buy some. Well... she was really angry at me and she wouldn't come near me because she might contract my forgetfullness. My mother said that my sis even cried because of it.

As I was handing out my li'l cousin's present, she was actually sulking in a corner. Then I called her and give her her presents. She was really jubilant! I got her a Barbie Doll, it was what she wished for. Hehe... so much for playing Santa and a forgetful sis...

I am playing badminton more frequently now.. I have to move so I won't be so guilty while eating this season...

I met with my hs friends! Yey!!! That was real fun...

All in all, this vacation is far happier than other vacations. Even when there are some drawbacks... I am still happy...

Well, Merry Christmas (belated) and Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For My Teacher

Once again, my self esteem is shaken

My confidence, utterly broken

How painful the breaking process is

When batterred by hands that are His.

Knowing slightly of things like these,

The time I asked "be my teacher please?"

That Your standard requires the highest

And with my efforts, I should not jest.

Dear God, there is so much to be done,

A stubborn vessel that I am,

Fearing greatly of future scoldings

Because of Your caring and loving.

Present pains doesn't really matter

As long as I am with You forever

Knowing my future's in Your hands

And this future's on heavenly lands.

So Father, please help me to endure

Trials and pruning to make me pure

An image of Christ who died for me

So that I can be with You in eternity.

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A poem I made during one of those "low points" in life. Yes, I do experience low points. Eventhough I don't usually show it and share it. Pardon the poem though, I haven't made one for quite awhile. This poem, however, was conceived in my heart, no matter how painful it must have felt at that time.

There was actually a point in my life that I asked God to be my life teacher. I don't know if this is biblical or not. Although I would attribute this act to my lack of a discipler. I never had a discipler. But I can't say that it was a loss on my part. I have great friends in Christ that I can turn to whenever I have problems. Anyway, all I can say is that after I asked God to be my life teacher, things change. I have to deal with a lot of things starting with my self discipline, attitude, etc. But it was and still is HARD. I am still in the process of changing. There are times that I feel that I am failing Him. You know, not reaching His expectations and the like. It is during these times that a poem like that is created.

With all the "not meeting the expectation thing", I know that with my efforts alone, I really can't meet His expectation. Time and again I have verified this claim. So maybe the next lesson in line is learning to really apply my life verse " I can do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGHT".

It may not be a good attitude to rant, but I'll do it for now. It's frustrating. I'm frustrated at myself. I am not even trying. There's so much to improve on myself. I want to be a more effective Christian. I want God into my life more. But I can't, for now, surrender TOTALLY, to Him. I will be a hypocrite if I say that I have surrendered everything. There are still things that hinder my relationship with God to really grow and mature. I should be discarding those things, but I am not. This is my prime frustration (call it struggle if you want) for now. Simply defined, my struggle is not struggling enough. How would you deal with that?

I don't know. Regarding this matter, I am lost. I don't want to remain like this. I want to grow as a Christian. As what Ate Minnie said "struggle is not supposed to remain a struggle..it is a struggle kasi we don't do the secret of winning, surrender". I really should learn to surrender...

Jesus, help.

WhyNicole Nordeman

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I've been avoiding the movie Passion of the Christ for a reason. Not that I am repelled by it. Quite the contrary. I can't bear to watch it and it's not because of the violence. Well, how could you expect me to watch the movie knowing that the reason for all Christ's suffering is partly because of me. For all my sins--past, present and future. Jesus Christ, the King of Kings, Lord of Lords emptied himself so that he can bring unto Himself the punishment that is justly mine. How then, can I bear to look, knowing that every beating. every blood, every wound inflicted is for my salvation? I would be forever grateful for the cross. I, on my part, have my own cross to carry. This is the only thing that I can at the very least do. A part of it is telling you about this gift of salvation. Cause you see, Christ's sacrifice is not just for me, it's yours as well... :)

BraveNicole Nordeman

The gate is wide the road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground, it's safe and sound
And until now it's where I've been
Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything,
But it's been love, your love that cuts the strings.

Chorus:
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave.
The way it always was is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave.
Brave, brave

I am small and I speak when I spoken to,
But I am willing to risk it all
Say your name just your name
And I'm ready to jump even to ready to fall.
Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

Chorus

I never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame,
And every storm will start with just a drop of rain.
But if you believe in me that changes everything

So long, I'm gone

Chorus

Brave
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Okay, this is not Singing and Shouting Me, but this song has caught my attention. I have been downloading whole albums of CCM through christian downloads and I have downloaded WOW 2006. This particular song is included in the package (Legal and moral debates regarding the matter will be entertained later...). The song made me wonder--when, oh when will I be able to sing such a song that I totally mean it...

Don't get me wrong, I have no real problem with going against the status quo of society. It more on going against the status quo of the self that is really bothering me. They say that the self is the hardest one to conquer. Regarding my own battle, well, I can't really say that a "real" battle is going on. I really can't beat the self as of now.

The sad part is that I know, somehow, if I don't put htings under control, it will be my downfall. Well, if not a downfall, I will sure face a consequence. I would have to learn things the hard way. I don't want that to happened. I should not wait for that to happen.

When will I be brave enough to say no to myself?

The Other Blog

The server was done a moment ago, if it was not, I should have posted a little earlier. It's amazing what boredom can make you do. Last night, I was updating my other blog, Singing and Shouting Me to be exact. You can deduce from the title that it will probably have something to do with music--Praise and Worship, Contemporary Christian Music to be exact. This particular blog has been around for quite sometime already but I haven't go the time to encode the lyrics and chords of various songs. Well, I finally had the initiative to start something worthwhile. I should have named that blog Noise Maker, but it's an anti thesis of what I want to make. Music Maker, on the otehr hand, would be too much a cliche. So I opted for something else. I don't really know if its an improvement compared to the other two but still, I think it is more appropriate.

SV's Three Weeks or So...

I have a lot of catching up to do. Most of them, concerns this blog. I dawned on me that I am not writing as much as I used to. Well, i'm busy with acads and the org, but I shouldn't neglect my blog...

Anyway, the start of the 2nd semestre has been a roller coaster ride. And it's not so much because of classes or papers because everthing is still palcid when it comes to the academe. I would credit all the excitement to my org stuff. Yes, the SVCF. Well, for this sem, the SVCF has been and will be busy reaching out people. Yey! For starters, we had an outreach for streetkids. It's my very first evangelistic event. Let me rephrase that, it's the first evangelistic event that I would have to lead. It was also the first major evangelistic work for me, ever...
All, I can say is "nice meeting you, Vangie!" :)

We also have some outreach for the UP Manila students, though UP Manila is a tougher field of endeavor. We know because we have tried it. We can't really just take it for granted. Well, UPM students are well provided an cared for compared to the streetkids. They (and sometimes we...) can't see how God can care for them because they (and most of the times we...) feel that they can make it completely on their own. It's a sad fact. A sad fact that I can see in my self. It's only during hard times that I recognize God's capacity to rescue me. *sigh* When will I learn.

Lastly, we had a Christmas party. It's plain and usual and it's not well funded. But God did provide and we had fun. For you guys who didn't show up, well it's really a loss in your part. :)

:)

And Then There's the Break...

I'm back...

I miss my blog. I haven't posted for awhile... well, blame my professors for that, and the lack of internet connection as well. Anyway, I'm here already. That's all that matters...

I just arrived here at Bataan. The population explosion of my clan is still in progress. At first I was still shrugging my shoulders regarding the issue, but when we have a sort of kinda pseudo reunion awhile ago I realized the severity of the situation. Every couple seems to have their own little one. My parents have one. The latest population of the Order of the Cousins-- 12, and one is still on the way. This wouldn't have been much of a problem, but try having 9 of them within the age range of 1-6 years old and you eill have a total chaos... really...

well, being the eldest (not only in the household but also in the Order) I'm planning to buy them all some gifts. I'm playing santa this Christmas ( anybody who makes a physical comparison will get a kick in the face...).

I have a feeling that this Christmas will be a better one for me. I'm not usually in a festive mood, but this Christmas, I feel different. As much as people are saying that Christmas celebration are dimishing every year, I seem to feel it more intensely this year. It must have something to do with friends around you... I am celebrating it more this year, handing out gifts more than last year, saying "Merry Christmas" and meaning it more. Well, let's wait and see if I will hav something interesting to write after this break is over. :)